Dads, Do You Have These 3 Qualities?
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What does it take these days to be a great father? Maybe just three qualities, if Fathers.com is right. It has been running a series of small articles punctuated with YouTube vids to illustrate the three qualities that all great dads possess.
Guess what’s not on the list? Lots of money, being a buddy to your kids, quality time, strong discipline, or any of the other Fatherhood cliches. You’ll find good general ideas at Fathers.com, not didactic advice about what you should do. Honestly, very few people are qualified to give “You Should” advice about your children, much less a website. It’s one of the things I like about Fathers.com: they paint with broad brushes and leave the specific application to me.
The Three Essential Traits
Good fathers consistently demonstrate:
- Loving
- Coaching
- Modeling
Loving
I never doubted that my Dad loved me. He wasn’t affectionate, and didn’t say it very often, but I certainly didn’t lose any sleep wondering. Maybe it’s more important—especially for boys—for children to know that their dads like them. If you’ve been married for long enough or have children older than 2, you know what I mean. You always love these people, but sometimes you don’t really like them. As I remember my dad, I wish now that I had some memories of the two of us just hanging out, enjoying each other’s company. We didn’t do much of that.
Check out the video Fathers.com has picked to demonstrate this trait. An Olympic athlete pulls up lame during an event. His dad leaps from the stands to help him over the finish line. My favorite part is when the guy tells the security guards to bugger off. Watch it here.
Coaching
Think Yoda and Luke, but without the stupid Lucas dialog. Yoda taught principles, then got down in the swamp with Luke to oversee the application of the lesson. Here’s how Fathers.com puts it:
As dedicated fathers—like good coaches—we are also aware of our children. We watch closely and learn about their unique gifts, interests, challenges and vulnerabilities, and we enlist others in our kids’ lives to help us gain that insight. We must have understanding and wisdom to know what motivates each of our children and then be ready to help them sharpen their abilities and perform at the highest level possible.
Modeling
I wrote recently about Boy 7, wondering where he learned his whining behavior. I still insist he didn’t learn it from me, though I realize he’s learning other things from me that may be just as obnoxious. For example, how does a man react when a frightened 7-year-old comes in to whine at 3 a.m.? By threatening the kid, of course! (I’ll give you something to really be afraid of!) What does a man do when he comes home from work? Not much, and he’s sullen about doing it. Sometimes it’s good to be reminded that it’s me he’s watching. This video is a hard-hitting reminder, posted as part of the Fathers.com series:
