Faith and fatherhood
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New research by Loren Marks and David Dollahite examines the role that faith plays in fatherhood. How does religious belief contribute to parenting, and is the influence a good one? I haven’t seen the complete study yet; it’s published in Why Fathers Count: The Importance of Fathers and Their Involvement with Children, and I plan to review it soon. Marks summarizes the findings this way:
Research, ours and that of the past, indicates that religious involvement tends to have a positive influence on father-child relationships. There appear to be several factors at work, here are three among many: Firstly, married couples who are actively involved in the same faith tend to have stronger, happier marriages and this impacts father-child relationships in a positive way. Secondly, religious fathers are far less likely to abuse alcohol and other drugs than non-religious fathers and an estimated 80% of child abuse is alcohol related. Thirdly, many faith communities teach that fathers will be personally accountable to God for their good (or bad) fathering. This can create a sacred motivation to be a better father.
He later mentions one of the main benefits I have seen from my involvement in a “faith community” (that’s Academese for “church,” “synagogue,” or “mosque”)—a support system. Both of my oldest children, Girl 15 and Boy 12, have turned to our local lay clergy in times of trouble, and both are involved in youth groups that bring them into contact with a number of adults of their gender. These adults are fine people and I’m happy to have good men and women besides me and Mothered Five to act as role models, guides and disciplinarians (though that aspect is rarely necessary). Marks puts it this way: “Faith communities also provide fathers (and mothers and children) with something rare in contemporary society-close associations and positive models from across the life course that can encourage, give counsel, direct, and ‘be there.’”
Mercator.net, where Marks gives the summary blocked above, asked if secular institutions could provide the same benefits to fathers as religious institutions and belief. Marks claims that they have a hard time doing so because they do not focus on the sacred and foster a relationship with God in a way that changes behavior, and they do not promote consistent, meaningful action across generations. Is he right? The first case is circular: an organization that focuses on the sacred is by nature religious. In principle, it seems like secular institutions could accomplish the second, though admittedly I can’t think of any that do.
August 6th, 2007 at 4:19 pm
Totally, TOTALLY agree! It takes a village to raise a child; I too am glad for several close buddies who will join me in mentoring my boys as they approach the teens. But without my faith, I’d be the worst father in the world. It’s that faith that keeps me growing and healing as an individual and doesn’t allow me to make life all about me.
Keep this stream of posts going, FatheredFive. It’s needed.
August 6th, 2007 at 5:03 pm
In addition to my church support, I have one brother-in-law, and uncle to my boys, who provides the kind of modeling, correction, and affection that I consider vital and helpful. He’s the one Boy 12 turns to when he wants to go fishing, and while I wish that were me, I’m not a fisherman. I’m glad there’s someone he can go to.
September 7th, 2007 at 6:58 am
First of all, I would like to point out that it is not the “faith” that makes the individual a better father, it is the community support and the motivation to be a good father. These are the things that truly influence fathering ability, and although that these aspects are built into some faiths, it does not mean that it is the “faith” part that allows to man to be a good father. Nobody seems to have mentioned that faith is corrosive to a growing mind. Faith teaches children that magical thinking is acceptable and that irrational thought and behavior is just as valid as rational thought and behavior. Faith itself is defined by being irrational, it is the belief in something despite overwhelming evidence against that something. It is my opinion that raising children into faith is a form of child abuse and brainwashing.
The social acceptance of faith based reasoning is corrosive to society and needs to be exposed as the irrational garbage it is.
September 13th, 2007 at 3:43 am
Nornerator, as a person of faith, I must flat out disagree with you (but then I am sure you expected that!).
For those that believe, their faith (what it is, who it’s in and what it stands for) is key to being a better Dad and even more key to responsibly raising a child. The faith Joe, Pete and the author quoted speak of is in no way about ‘magical thinking’. It’s about trust, about someone and something bigger than yourself, and about making a rational choice to believe in something - in the case highlighted here, it’s believing in a Creator God that offered his only Son as the ultimate sacrifice for us to be able to experience eternal life, joy, grace - and love, through the presence of the Holy Spirit.
I would have to put, in response to your opinion which you are well entitled to have, that NOT raising children in a loving, caring, faith-based environment is tantamount to child-abuse and brain washing. Faith is about choice. Faith is about free will. Ostracising people from the chance to explore what faith does and might mean to them offers them no choice.
The social acceptance (or lack thereof) of faith-based anything, to those of faith, is of no real concern. Nornerator whether you believe it or not, the God that I/we speak of… loves you. That’s just how it is. Call it what you want, but irrational garbage it is not.
September 21st, 2007 at 11:44 pm
Experiencing God comes believing, and FAITH can only come by hearing the word. *muah* I love your site and insights about life.
October 10th, 2007 at 5:47 pm
Nornerator says, “Faith teaches children that magical thinking is acceptable and that irrational thought and behavior is just as valid as rational thought and behavior. Faith itself is defined by being irrational, it is the belief in something despite overwhelming evidence against that something.”
What is more magical and irrational: 1- believing in a mystical Godhead lacking form 2-believing death brings an end to life, or 3-that the society that exists here will continue to exist after death, but in a better state of being and understanding…same families and friends (if they so choose to be there), heavenly parents, etc. (???)
I choose #3 because it is rational and logical that what we learn and do here naturally carries over as a continued existence after death. As for heaven and hell or anything in between, people will end up where they are most comfortable. Heaven is like being a part of the world’s finest symphony orchestra, a place you do not attain without persistent work in performing the principles of music. Faith is believing enough in the invitation to participate in that orchestra that you ACT daily to perfect your ability. Now if someone hated the music, instruments, and people in that orchestra environment, do you think they will be happy joining the group? No way, they will be much happier in another place, a place where they did not have to work, believe, or DO anything to get there.
Omittance of faith would likely lead me straight to insanity. Faith is what keeps my commitment as a father (by choice) to my four children. Faith provides a guide to be a wise steward over life responsibilities.