4 Simple Ways To Create “Us Time” in Your Marriage
In my post, 5 Ways to Sabotage Your Marriage, I ruminate on how busy dads and husbands can get some more “Me” time. The Molk commented:
Me… with two kids under 3 in the house… I’m just trying to get some US time that doesn’t involve us both falling asleep almost immediately…
“US time…” A noble concept. Did you know that the lock on the bedroom door was invented by a guy with two small kids who wanted some uninterrupted US time? It’s true. No nooky is the mother of invention, I think is how the saying goes.
The Fathered Five household erupts each night at about 8:00 as Her Hotness and I begin the mad rush to squeeze in some down time between the kids’ bedtime and ours. It’s a mad rush because we know this is our only chance for the next 24 hours to sit down (and maybe interact) without runny noses, homework, Boy 7 screaming at Boy 12, or Boy 3 pulling Lilly’s tail. Most nights, at about 9, we collapse onto the sofa and retreat into our own internal space with TV, a book, or a computer. It’s quiet in my happy place.
If you have two kids 3 and under, like The Molk, it’s all about grabbing some minutes whenever you can. The list below will help you do that. Maybe you won’t get a full evening out like normal people, but that period is short lived. However, for your marriage to survive and thrive during that short period, it’s important to reconnect in small ways. You don’t want to come out of the “raising young children” tunnel and discover you no longer know this person you’re married to.
4 Ways to Create “Us Time”
- Schedule a regular date night
Decide together that one night per week, you’re going out on a date without kids. Every week, no matter what. It can be a quick trip to the coffee shop, or a walk around the lake. What you do doesn’t matter; in marriage as in bodily functions, it’s staying regular that matters. If money is tight, then - Swap babysitting time with a friend
On Tuesdays, send your kids to a friend for an evening, then on Wednesdays, you’ll watch the neigbor’s kids. - Set a bedtime for kids and stick to it
You won’t always succeed, of course. Boy 3 is the most obstinate creature I’ve ever seen, and if he decides he’s not going to bed, it’s easier to let him stay up. But sometimes you’ll get them to bed on time, and then you can reconnect. Turn off the TV sometimes—you’ll get much more mileage out of the small moments without it. - Learn some time management skills
Here’s how Mothered Five gets Boy 7 and Boy 3 to clean their rooms. She writes categories on small scraps of paper: Pick up all the RED things. Pick up all the CARS. Put dirty clothes in the laundry, and so on. She folds up the papers, puts them in a bowl, and lets the boys draw them out one at at a time. The boys LOVE it. It makes cleaning the room a breeze, even without The Force. Time management is kind of like that. A good time management book can help you create those little scraps of paper so that you control time instead if living at its mercy.
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September 13th, 2007 at 4:12 pm
Ahhh Joe… a practical man, with ideas after my own heart. I’m still right behind you, picking up those breadcrumbs. Thank you.
September 13th, 2007 at 4:20 pm
This is good stuff. Man, is it hard to get US time … and then when you finally could have it (around 10.00 at night) who’s got the energy to speak let alone … do anything else? This list helps.
I’ve tried a version of the time management idea your wife uses for getting Youngest Son to clean his room, but I haven’t used written categories - I’ll develop that one more, that’s great.
Anyway, thanks for both the ideas & prompting some creative thinking around this, Joe!
September 14th, 2007 at 6:15 am
By the way……..I love your blog…so I have no doubt your submit great relevant posts for the teenage carnival! When psychologists submit stuff to me that is ridiculous…I pass. It’s humor laced with wisdom and the realities of life that I like!
September 14th, 2007 at 12:57 pm
Great tips. This is our biggest challenge. It seems that once the kiddos get to bed that we just plop on the couch and stare aimlessly into a TV Tube or sit in silence trying to figure out what to talk about that isn’t kid related!
September 14th, 2007 at 3:48 pm
So what works for you, Cindy? Figuring out what to talk about without defaulting to kids is a real challenge for us.
@ Ev: Thanks. Let me know how to submit and I will.
October 29th, 2007 at 4:44 pm
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