Fathered Five

If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!

I’ve written before about how hard it is to talk to kids about sex. (See Dads, Daughters, and Dating: He crashes and burns). In a recent attempt, Sigmund (my nickname for Boy 12 when it comes to matters sexual) and I talked about how boys and men have a difficult task taming their biology. Millions of years of evolutionary pressure are driving us to spread our seed far and wide, with little regard to consequences. Our brains are built to help us do that, serving up thoughts about sex every 52 seconds on average, compared to once per day for women.

And then there’s the bursts of testosterone, which a friend of mine calls “King T.” I explained to Sigmund that the hormone causes men and boys to seek out intensity and aggression, that it’s helped the human race survive, and that our challenge today is to channel the good aspects of testosterone so we don’t hurt people or ourselves. It was the whole “Nature is the beast” discussion, but real men tame it with reason and wisdom. Locke and Hobbes would have been proud. It was all very rational, very logical. And ultimately probably futile. Locke and Hobbes will always lose to Hollywood.

This message is so much louder:

So much simpler! No big words, no need for personal accountability. I don’t know if Sigmund has seen this one. But no matter—he’s undoubtedly seen one or more of the hundreds just like it where singers and dancers are marketed as porn stars. The message is that sex is easy, women are always eager, and that everybody’s gettin’ some, so what’s wrong with you pimple-faced solo-lovin’ viewer? You just ain’t all that, yo, or you ain’t hangin’ with the right ho’s. Cuz if you was, they’d be straddlin’ the bar, too, doin’ them splits and things and beggin’ you to help them “take this off.”

My message, on the other hand, is that sex is special, between two committed people, and can be dangerous, yada yada yada. Ok. whatever you say, old man. I just can’t handle anymore “commitment” from you and Mom, ok?! The Pussycat Dolls version is so much more appealing. Even I admit that. I mean, look at them! It’s an adolescent fantasy writ large. Uh-huh, indeed, baby. But lots of things are appealing that you still have to say no to. And there’s the rub.

I can’t compete, but maybe Alanis Morisette can
Another foreplay music video in this category is “My Humps,” by the Blackeyed Peas. It’s so stupid that the first time I saw it, I thought it was parody. Here’s a gem:

I’ma get get get get you drunk
Get you love drunk off my hump
My hump my hump my hump my hump my hump
My hump my hump my hump my lovely little lumps

That might be the best written and smartest verse in the whole song, which is really saying something. Both Sigmund and Girl 15 have watched “My Humps.” But I came home the other day to see them both watching something on YouTube and laughing. The source of the merriment? Alanis Morisette’s very funny parody of “My Humps.” She slaps down the stupidity of the Blackeyed Peas version and my kids were loving it! Here’s a side-by-side for your amusement. Just remember, only the one on the right is supposed to be funny:

This issue is particularly important in my mind due to the book I’m currently reading: Meg Meeker’s Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters. She devotes a chapter to the risks of sexual behavior and the irresponsible pop culture that is constantly shoving it in teens’ faces. Seeing my kids laugh along with Alanis at the stupidity of Fergie’s cartoonish sexuality was a revelation. I can’t compete with Hollywood, but I can fight fire with fire! If I can get Boy 12 and Girl 15 to laugh at that message when they see it, I’ve won! Thank you, Alanis!

Share This

This entry was posted on Thursday, August 30th, 2007 at 7:01 am and is filed under Sexuality. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.